I would rather put my energy into a relationship where there is a 50% chance that it will make changes for the better instead of spending myself on a 1% chance.
Are you trying to keep a relationship with the 1%? So often in our relationships, we come across this time and time again. The question I would ask you is this, Is there a chance of change in this relationship or is it just in a rut? You see, we sometimes cling to relationships in hopes that there will be change, but unfortunately, we often expend way too much energy, time, and thought that could be better focused elsewhere. Now it's okay to be in a shallow, dead-end relationship as long as you aren’t expecting it to be anything else but shallow.
Here are some practical questions to ask about yourself and the answers are going to be a good indicator of whether or not the relationship has a healthy future.
Is this person almost always in a victim mindset?
I get it, we all are going to have times when we are a victim. That’s not what I am talking about, I am talking about if there is habitual victimness. Someone has always done them wrong, if their circumstances were only better, if people would just be nice and do things exactly how I want them to, poor me they don’t understand, and so on. You see there is a narcissist in each and everyone of us, and they love the victim mindset.
Has there been any track record of growth or positive change in the last month? 6 months? 1 year?
If there has been minimal to no change in their personal growth and their life, they are stuck in a rut and usually don’t want to get out of the rut. They would rather stay comfortable because it is so hard to be uncomfortable. One of my goals is to always try something different and to be comfortable in the uncomfortable because as humans, we naturally love to stay in the comfortable.
Is almost everything someone else’s fault?
If the answer to this question is yes, then they are living in their own reality bubble, and seldom can you help them get out of it. Because for us to never be wrong or hardly ever be wrong we have to create a different reality where we are always right, and we put down others because they are just stupid, or ignorant, or have no clue what’s going on like I do.
Do they almost always have an excuse?
You might hear things like, “I would have not acted like that towards you if you hadn’t done…(insert whatever you had done).” or “ I could never do that, because I have this issue.” There are so many other excuses that you will hear but these are a couple of common ones.
So as we wrap this up, I'll ask the question again...Are you trying to keep a relationship with the 1%? Are you clinging to a relationship, putting time and energy in, for there to only be a 1% chance that there will ever be a positive, long-lasting change? Maybe a bigger question to ponder is this, Am I a 1 percenter in my relationships? Am I resisting change? What I have found in my life more than once is this, I thought I had a deep relationship with someone, but when it came to trying to work out conflicts, it wasn’t even worth a cup of coffee to do so. They had already determined I was a threat to their alternate reality. So check in, take stock of where your energy is going. Take stock of where your own growth patterns are headed and keep fighting on!
If you need help navigating these relationships reach out for a chat with one of our coaches.
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