Merriam-Webster describes empathy as haveing a keen awareness and sensitivity to the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of others. A large majority of those who identify as "black sheep" could say that they have experienced this ability. Some might even say that this is what wrecked them. This video by Brene Brown is very helpful in understanding this incredible gift of empathy but it brings with it a dark side.
Are you an Empath?
Do you feel drained after being around intense emotions?
Do you easily absorb the feelings of others?
Do you have strong intuition?
Do you have difficulty setting boundaries?
Do you tend to be overwhelmed by crowds?
Do you need alone time to recharge?
Do you often feel emotionally sensitive to others' experiences, even picking up on subtle cues in their body language or facial expressions?
If you answered yes to the above questions or even the majority of them, you have an incredible gift. While some are born with this gift, empathy can and should be a learned skill. However, without safe boundaries around this powerful love, it is at risk of elimination. Some people seek to drain the life force and resources of an empath, using and abusing this gift for personal gain leaving behind a sick, confused, broken, and emotionally devastated, empty soul.
Empathy left unchecked and exposed becomes the unhealed child within us who has been trying to win love. She learned from a young age that she had to serve and sacrifice to be loved and she has spent her life taking on too much responsibility for the health and well-being of her relationships. She is so used to over-giving that if someone shows up with anything close to 25% effort in a relationship she will gladly give the 75% and feel like she's finally arrived in a "healthy" relationship. When she doesn't feel good about herself, her relationships are driven by the unmet needs of her inner child. She gives what she so desperately wants to receive but ends up overgiving and under-receiving. Empath tends to love hard and intensely, experiencing deep feelings of connection, but that constant taking on of a partner's emotions is quite draining.
Empath has always had a solid relationship with the Divine and a strong faith. She's very eager to share that deep abiding faith with others, but often they don't want to do their own inner faith work. That's okay. Empath to the rescue! She doesn't realize that her intervention enables others to stay stuck.
Empath has always put on weight easily. Deep down she feels that the extra weight acts as protection. A type of bubble wrap around the core of her belly where self-esteem resides. While she feels safer because of it, she has also had some unhealthy test results. After all, the state of one's health is intimately connected with our core beliefs. From childhood, we form our beliefs about ourselves and our relationships. Empath's childhood was full of shame, betrayal, and hiding. She never felt she could truly be herself and she experiences the effects of that past daily through her emotions. In the end, carrying this kind of weight emotionally and physically will be the death of her empathy leaving her heart exhausted, broken, and her body an unhealthy expression of the pain within.
My purpose and calling as a freedom and health coach is to warn and equip you with the tools to defend against attacks on your empathy so that you can forge your way to deeper freedom, joy, and healing. If you don't have healthy boundaries around your empathy and your emotions are running the show then your heart is at risk. So let's check in...
Is your empathy at risk?
Is your health struggling? Low-energy, imbalanced test results, depression, anxiety, etc.
Do you feel overweight physically?
Do you feel underweight emotionally or spiritually?
Do you find yourself overcompensating for the lack you feel by addictive or binge behavior?
Is there a big ache in your soul and you long for something better?
How can we guard our empathy?
A person with this kind of empathy can change the world. I promise, this gift is not a curse although I imagine you've felt at times that it is. I also want to address that while empathy is a feminine trait, both men and women can possess it. I have referred to it as female but many healthy men have been gifted with empathy as well. It should be cultivated and protected in both genders.
Learn how to create healthy boundaries.
Shore up your self-esteem by addressing your core beliefs. These beliefs have been formed from childhood so as long as your inner child is grief-stricken, angry, lonely, or feeling unloveable, your outer experience in the world is going to re-create your wounds. Is that unhealed child at the control panel of your life? You'll be doomed to repeat patterns from your childhood until you've brought love and understanding to that child.
Allow yourself to express, feel, and release emotions that haven't been fully felt and named.
Treat yourself as well as you treat everyone else.
Learn how to turn people down. Just say no. If it's not a hell yes, then it's a no.
I believe that incredible freedom is coming for you and a beautiful healing of the child within. Your empathy is going to soar to new heights, deepen your purpose, and clarify your vision. All of this can be addressed in the safety of the Black Sheep Nation community along with other empaths and our freedom coaches who are eager to help take your next steps. Go now and love well!
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